What a difference almost a week makes.....

Ahem, ladies and gentlemen I have a job. Yay! And not just a job, it's a job I wanted and it has benefits, which is really a blessing since rock bottom after I posted last began to include our benefits being cancelled, so double yay! My husband and I are thrilled and relieved. I start monday and I have to say I'm a little nervous going in, but who isn't when first starting a new job? I'm just so excited and happy I'm afraid I might kiss or hug my new boss in gratitude for giving me shot and pulling me out of certain dispair, but I'll try to contain myself. I truly believe God helps those who help themselves and I fully believe I have God to thank for this marvelous turn of events. I'll keep you posted.


Please say this is rock bottom....

That way the only way to go is up. Still no hits on the job front, everyday I apply and everyday there's no answer, is there anybody out there? I will be getting my last unemployment checks this month and if a job doesn't come soon we maybe looking at being homeless. Just to clarifly thanks to my family not on the streets homeless, but rather not having our own dwelling homeless. I've never felt so terrified or helpless than I do right now. Sometimes I even try to think up wacky inventions that you know someone out there will want, you know like the Snuggy, when you think about it, it's really just a longer backwards robe but it has made it's creator millions. Maybe I should stand outside with the day laborers, I could paint, or drill, I may not be able to lift what the guys can, but I'm desperate. It's funny I never really did look down on the homeless, in my mind I knew lots of them were people who were once right where I am now, but I have to say I have a whole new respect for these people, because this kick down is bad enough I can't imagine truly having nowhere to go but the street or a tent. It's absolutely terrifying. What is a person to do? I'm at the point now where if I was to have an interview I may not be able to stop myself from begging for the job. What's most sad to me is the fact that like many others, I'm an honest, smart, decent, trustworthy, clean, hard working person, I just can't seem to catch a break. So for any of you out there who ever think the jobless or the homeless are just lazy think again, because I'm here to tell you- I want to work so bad I'd do anything short of slit my throat to land a job as I'm sure would many others. I'm just glad I don't have children, but there are many out there who do and I truly feel for them. I know this must all sound like a sob story or me feeling sorry for myself, but really it's just the thoughts that pass through my mind. In my heart of hearts I feel like things will get better sooner or later I'm just really hoping and trying for the sooner.


Better late than never..it could be worse, I think???

Well I haven't blogged in a little bit and the reasoning is a lot was going on, but now I get to fill you in.  Where to start, I'm trying to remember which bit of hell happened first, oh okay,  first my computer totally crashed, and I was without a computer for a day and then had to spend another couple of days revamping my system since it was brought back to what it was like when I first purchased it (3 years ago), so I had to reinstall my virus software, put some of my chronically used files back on, delete all the crap I don't use resetup my Internet, etc.  Sooooo not fun. Then I got into a fender bender (the words car accident seem harsh for what happened). I was leaving a store on a one way two lane street that has parking on either side, I was driving straight in the left lane when someone who coming out of one space on the far right wanted to come straight across the road to grab a spot on the far left and just slammed into me. Nice.  So my passenger side has a dent behind the the front wheel accompanied by deep embedded scratches that go down the whole length of the car. Good news and grateful news is that I was not harmed or hurt in any manner, nor the other driver. Then you know all the garbage that goes along with that calling the insurance company, trying to get an estimate for damage, blah, blah, blah. So that night after the accident I went to a barbecue and proceeded to get drunk (I don't drink often and I thought I deserved it after the day I had), and I succeeded, but while I was all numb and giggly, I neglected to notice the mosquitos that were feasting on my feet and ankles. This wouldn't be such a bad thing for most, but I have a reaction to mosquito bites that causes them to look more like huge welts and swell, so with the numerous bites, besides the incessant itching that made my feet and ankles feel like they were on fire for days I also looked like I had cankles, I couldn't see the bones in my ankles for 3 days and wearing any type of shoes was just torturous. Fun. Oh but wait I'm not finished. As previously posted we have had a problem with bugs in my apartment, particularly moths, flies, beetles, and silverfish, well the spray you buy so you can do it yourself had not worked and we were seeing bugs everyday, and after weeks of this (being a person who hates/fears bugs with a passion) I was starting to go a little crazy. Literally. After persistent bitching at my husband to speak to the landlord about getting an exterminator, my last straw was finding beetles on my bed for the third time. Now before I go on, let me give you a small bit of back story/ venting. My husband has a thing for reptiles and such, and even though I have been very good about letting this stuff in the house even though it kinda creeps me out, it has been fine, until he made a tank with live plants, which created a small I guess you'd call them a fruit fly population. These flies are attracted to the air you breathe out so we have the initial bug problem and them to add insult to injury I have flies flying up my nose from this tank he created. So when I found a beetle on my bed for the third time, (and after jumping out of my skin 20 times a day for weeks) I had had it. I left my home and went to stay with my family. My husband went to the landlord the next day to ask for an exterminator, and he took down the tank that was causing the flies (while doing this he found the fly nest and was surprised to learn how many their actually were, I told you so dear). Funny enough, the landlord and the woman in the apartment downstairs were also having a problem with the same bugs so they were all too happy to get an exterminator. It took a week and a half after getting estimates for different pest companies and finding ones that were pet friendly, the other tenant has a dog, but they came to spray and do whatever they do to rid the pests on Friday and I have now moved back into my (I'm happy to say) pest free home. So it's been eventful, just wish they were more happy events, but hey it could be worse right? I just keep reminding myself of that. It could definitely be worse.


I'm a personal assistant just not a paid one... and other ramblings...

I never really realized it until today, but I am my husband's personal assistant. If someone needs a call whether it be a family member (and I mean of his family) or the electric company, a gift to be bought for an occasion, a letter/email to be written and mailed, the handling of email replies to HIS ad on craigslist,  or the research of something of interest it's Me doing it. If we are to travel I get the directions or book the flight. When we go grocery shopping I take inventory of what we have and don't have and make the list. Going to pay bills in person or online- me. Wow, is this just my wifely duties or am I in training for a position I never really thought of applying for? Since I've been looking for a job (forever it seems) I see ads for personal assistant all the time, but  it has never crossed my mind to take interest in those ads, maybe I've been selling myself short, maybe I just broadened my horizion of prospective jobs, I'll let you know.
On another note not so far away money is tight, I mean really tight, like in another month no internet, no power, no roof over our heads tight. I REALLY need to find a job. My husband has applyed for disability, long term now which if he gets it (fingers crossed) could take months to happen. And I'm not ungrateful for what he gets right now from short term disability, but really people the two checks he gets a month doesn't even cover the rent on our one bedroom apartment. Everyone keeps telling me go apply at fast food places or the super market, I swallowed my pride, times are hard -they told me I am over qualified- I guess this is a bad thing considering I'm not telling you about my new job at Burger King or where ever. What is a person to do? We've been selling anything we have of worth (which to be honest isn't much, I don't exactly have designer clothes up for auction on ebay or jewels to take to the pawn shop), and nothing makes you feel lower than parting with your belongings let me tell you. Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure, or that I must be doing something wrong and just can't figure it out. We're both feeling pretty scared and pretty low. I know we're not the only ones going through a hard time and there are those that have it worse, but this is just my sob story or rant just to get it out. Thanks for listening or reading as it be and feel free to let me know about your hard time because unfortunately we all know when we hear about someone who has it worse we feel just a little more grateful for what we have, sad but true.


What they don't tell you about being married....

1. There's a lot of hassle with the name change. First you have to decide if you want to take his name at all or just keep your name (which depending on the man this can be a fight waiting to happen), will you take his name alone or will you hyphenate. And if you do decide to change there's having to go to or call all the appropriate places and lines- DMV, Social Security, your employer, the carriers of bills in your name (it will probably be the only time your marriage certificate is seen so much) and in some cases you get to hear the reps from these places give their opinion about your decision (like you didn't get enough from the people in your life already).

2. If you already live together, the only difference is now you will have a ring, a title,different way of filing your taxes and a certificate put away somewhere, that's it.

3. Obviously marriage implies that you want to be together forever, now think about that word FOREVER, because before you actually marry this word sounds very romantic, very appealing but when you have your first big fight or disagreements that pile up or if you start to take stock of all the annoying habits that aren't going to change it will seem more like a sentence being handed down.

4.  Things WILL change between you and your single friends, you are now the married friend, the friend that is not first on the list to call to party till dawn, the friend who all of a sudden they feel will not understand  their single person problems (and this kind of goes both ways with your marriage problems), and do not gripe to these friends about money because it will always end with "At least you have (insert husband's name here), I'm on my own." You have automatically become the dependable friend, the friend who throws dinner parties as opposed to blow outs, the friend who might have money to borrow, the friend who from their perspective (and sometimes yours) is tied down. You are also the friend who might share with her husband any info that might be shared with you, so sometimes this curbs what is shared with you.

5. Whether you realize it or not when you were dating/ living together/ not married it was it in the back of your mind that if things don't work out you can just pick up and go whenever you want, when you're married this is still true of course, but it has a bigger price. First you would have to pay$$$ to leave, second instead of being able to say "we broke up" you'll have to say  "we got a divorce". Third you are not single again, you are divorced. 

6. This is kind of an extension of #5  divorce. The word divorce will have new meaning to you. It will imply many different things ie. final, I couldn't make my marriage work, I've broken my vows, I'm not married, I'm not single, I'm divorced to name a few. The idea of divorce will seem similar to the idea of the scarlet letter yours being "D" and all that it implies not only to you, but what you think it implies to others. For this reason this word and it's idea will actually sometimes be a blessing and a curse for the same reason- it will make you want to stick it out, the days of the simple (if it was ever simple, but more simple) parting of the ways is over.

7. Any preconceived notions you had about what your life together forever would be like were daydreams. Don't get me wrong you can have a happy life together, you can have all the things you planned to have together, but there IS work involved. Marriage does not solve problems, it can actually give you new ones, it does not change the core of who people are, it is not a fix for anything that may be broken in the relationship you already have, and you both will have to work at it together to make it work, just like before if not more so.

8. Listen to the vows,  to love honor and cherish, for richer, poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live.  They ring like that word forever, romantic, appealing, but they are in fact a premonition of what is to come. You will have hard times, and those hard times will put strain on your relationship no matter how hard you both try to rally together. You may think back to the day you made those vows and realize you didn't really know what it would mean when you made them until now. I'm telling you, you never know what life is going to throw at you, but you should know (if you don't already) before you make these vows that they will or at least could happen and be prepared.

9. Me time. These two words may have sounded funny to me before, but they are necessary in my vocabulary now. When you marry it all becomes "we". We, we, we, we. I'm telling you now and start it early on you still need there to be "me". In the beginning we sounds great, the thought of it is great, but you will not want to do everything together, you will not want to talk about everything together, and you will not want everything, all the time to be we.

10. Privacy. Privacy as you know it is gone, even as I've been typing this my husband has come to glance at what I'm doing at least three times. Unless you go in the bathroom and LOCK THE DOOR privacy does not exist.

I'm sure I may have more to add as time goes on, but so far these are the things I have noticed that I didn't know about being married before I got married. Read at your own risk and share any you think I may have missed or what you may have learned yourself.


The slow creep of insanity..

You ever watch the movie Hellraiser? Remember the part with the guy in the cage who is shaving off his own skin with a blade because he thinks he's covered in bugs? I feel like another month and I might just be there. For the last month we have had an influx of bugs in our house. And I mean bugs of all varieties- moths, beattles, stink bugs, spiders, silverfish, and flies. My house is clean, they tore down the old siding on the house to put up new, and everyone keeps telling me that's what it's from, but come on! They stopped with that about two weeks ago and I am still meeting new creepy friends everyday. I am a bugaphobe, I see one and for the next hour I have the creepy crawly feeling all over, so seeing them on a regular basis has me looking like I'm on a bad acid trip. I can't sleep because over the last week twice a fly (gnat) has flown up my nose and I constantly feel like something is crawling on me. I bought some indoor/outdoor pesticide which will be promptly used tomorrow morning. I hope it is the answer. Even as I write this I keep rubbing my arms or swearing I see something out of the corner of my eye. This has to end otherwise Mayfield here I come!


A solution in a joke....

I found this online and it made me think of my post on getting help and then on the post about arguments, maybe this is how to solve both dilemmas LOL.

Employment gaps......

As I have stated before I was laid off from my job. I have since been applying for anything that I am qualified to do and even some things I am over qualified for, and if I happen to get a call for an interview (because let me tell you the call backs have been few and far between) one of the questions I am always asked (more so as time moves on) is to explain the time gap between my last job and now and it usually goes something like this- Employer: "So what have you been doing since your last job until now?" Me: " Looking for work." Employer: "You've been looking this whole time? Why haven't you found anything?" Me: "I put my resume out as much as possible and I apply but I don't get many call backs."  I then get the head nod and we move on to other questions. But the tone and the demeanor I receive with this question and with my response is disturbing to me because it seems to be one of disbelief. I would love to say "Well because you have a job, you may not have noticed that the state unemployment rate is nearly 10% and what that means is while I may be the best canidate for a position, my resume is probably getting lost in  the sea of the other hundreds of resumes and applications and competition is stiff, because people who are over qualified to do this position are being forced to apply for it because there's not a whole hell of a lot out there. So yes from the time I lost my job until now I have been looking for work." I almost feel like I should  make up some elaborate story to have on me for this question because obviously the truth is not working. It's hard enough trying to look for work do I have to be made to feel on the spot or bad that I have not found anything yet?


The greater good

I've realized over time, that you really have to choose your battles. There are some arguments, you're going to win, some you're not, and some that just never get resolved. The ones that never get resolved aren't always an agree to disagree either, they're just arguments you drop, just to stop arguing, but then pick back up at a later time. Does there have to be a clear cut winner? How many times can you keep having the same discussion with out there being a resolve? And why do we let things drop or just hang out there without resolution instead of dealing with it head on? Is it so we can make the illusion that everything is ok for now, when in actuality it's not? Is it for the greater good of everything else or is just a time bomb waiting to go off, that could blow everything that is good?


Can I get a little help around here???

My husband was definitely not born with the nesting instinct, when we met his kitchen was not a place to eat, but rather a workshop with wall to wall tools and no table or chairs. Of course this was all quickly remedied once I moved in, and he has been slightly domesticated. But I hate when I spend a whole day cleaning this place from top to bottom only to find it already getting messy the very next day! I don't cook, but I lucked out because he does, but does it take every pot, dish, bowl, and utensil we have to make one dinner? If your drink spills a little on the table is it really that hard to get a paper towel and wipe it up instead of waiting for it to air dry on to the table? When you make iced tea and mix spills onto the table can you wipe it up rather than pushing it onto the floor? (I saw an ant yesterday) And don't get me started on the stove after he makes even something as simple as mac and cheese. I hate feeling like a nag, but it drives me crazy! I really don't think I would have to be a nag if he just listened and did a few simple things, therefore taking the repeating of tasks (nagging) out of the equation. I'm not a neat freak or OCD about cleaning by any means, but I'm not his mother pick up after yourself at least a little. Funnier is when it's his turn to clean, things don't get cleaned rather than get made to look clean, until you lift up a vase or the toaster and see the dust and crumbs from not wiping under them. I won't even let him touch the dishes anymore, because there's always food residue left in them, which believe me has made having a dishwasher a prerequisite for our next apartment. I think I understand why some men, not all need to have a woman or rather why we seem to balance things out or maybe in some relationships it's reversed, but I understand how small things like this can turn into huge arguments, it's pent up from having to constantly do it yourself. Can I get a little help, please?

The beginning.....

It's as good a place as any to start. I'm 29, my husband is 37 and we've been married 1 year, together 7, and living together for 6. We have our ups and downs like any normal couple we have our good times and our bad. I guess right now would be one of the bad times in certain respects. I've been looking for work since having been laid off and he is on disability, so when the vows said "for richer, for poorer" this was the poorer they were talking about. We get by, by the skin of our teeth which I try to feel lucky about, because I know someone has it worse, but let's face it it's hard to feel lucky when you're trying to do the best you can and nothing seems to give. I wanted to start this blog, because while I know a lot of married couples, there are none that we really spend time with, so there's no friend who's also a wife who I can confide in, and my single friends don't always get it, so now the web is getting it. People never seem to want to give the behind the scenes look into their marriage anyway, for a myriad of reasons, but this is anonymous so I get to give the dirty details and not feel judged, and even if you are judging me you're anonymous internet people so it's ok.